Bluemoonbaby

After being put on the short protocol of IVF/ICSI, daily injections, and daily scans it was time for our egg retrieval. I got up extra early, showered but avoided perfumes as instructed by the nurse. Shaved my lady area so it was semi presentable, and tried to do a nervous poo. Exactly 36 hours after our trigger shot, we were at the hospital at 6.30 am. I waited as Sam parked the car, still feeling not with from lack of sleep and the cocktail of HCG, Fyrmedal and Menopur swimming through my body. The whole experience was a blur. MTV Cribs: Shortly after filling out the correct forms, a nice man appeared to show us to our room. We had a whole fricking room! This was luxury as someone who has had their share of NHS operations. Normally all you get is a shoddy curtain between you. It suddenly became an episode of cribs, I bounced around showing off the assets. Here we had a TV, a wardrobe, a bed and one of those cool slidey tables so you literally don't have to move. There was a ...

Next week is our information counselling, I believe this is the step right before or start of the whole IVF cycle. I don't really know what to expect,  but from what I've read they will talk us through in detail about it all and what we need to do. I am shitting it. Every time we have an appointment, something has gone wrong or we have had a set back. I am so nervous for this to be the case again. I haven't been great lately, not sleeping much and eating very little. Every time I have tried to eat a proper meal this week I have felt like throwing up. I do suffer with anxiety, and this is a really anxious time for me. I am so scared too walk in and for them to say "Sorry, we have to abandon this cycle." Or "We can do it we just need to do another op." I can't handle anymore set backs on my journey to my baby.  Also, I am still working full time with children even though I have requested to reduce my hours. There are tons of germs and illnesses fly...

Welcome to our new, more expensive in the long run, wilder, 'cooler' journey with ICSI.  That was me trying to tell it to myself. ICSI is the same exact process as IVF, but they pick the best swimmers and inject it into the egg. I've included a link of a video in the ICSI bit above. I watched it and was a bit jarred by how they tried to flick the egg off the holding place, but I guess they know what they're doing and won't crack the eggs. "But girl." I hear you all say, "didn't you say  you had lots of eggs and your husband's sperm was fine now, so why ICSI all of a sudden?" Sit down, grab a hot cup of tea or coffee and a snack. Because I'm about to tell you some shit that's going to blow your brain! Waiting: The waiting room was beautiful, carved wood and patterned 18th century ceilings and a free coffee machine. I hadn't had much time to get ready, so my hair was soaking wet and I just about had time to draw o...

I like to think in this photograph of the SATC girls Miranda is saying something to the crew like "So then the bitch told me to relax and I'd get pregnant." Samantha's like, "WTF dude that's not an OK thing to say." Carrie's laughing 'cause can't relate she's a single pringle who cba with the kids thing. Charlotte's smiling sweetly thinking "Oh honey, it's only going to get worse from here..." I'm damn Charlotte at this moment in my life, smiling at my friends and people I meet. Not wanting to tell them too much about all the hurtful and annoying comments people will be making about their journey. Or the fact you have to share such intimate details of your life that you would never share with anyone. Welcome darlings to the world of infertility, a club that no one really wants to be part of.  I'm going to try and prepare you somewhat, using real life things people have said to me. I'll also t...

My actual face So today was our official meeting with out IVF consultant, however she wasn't there so we saw another doctor. We arrived half an hour early, and our appointment was pushed back when we arrived by an hour. It's an odd feeling sitting in the waiting room with a mixture of people there, some waiting for blood tests others obviously waiting for the same thing we were. Waiting Game: I sat next to my husband, looking across the sea of anxious couples holding hands and kissing foreheads. I saw nothing but hope, strength and love. It was overwhelming at times, this process seems so negative, but look at the love. I wanted to stand up and go "Hey guys you all going through infertility too? Shall we sit in a circle and talk about our feelings?" However I think that would have been frowned upon. So I sat quietly twirling my hair, something I do when I'm nervous, and holding my husband's hand. He was so nervous too, but smiled and reassured me i...

And as I sat here typing on my laptop, I thought for a moment...Could I give other ladies tips and tricks for dealing with trying for a baby? And that answer is, I can try. Hello my ttcers! I've had a few people both online and in real life ask for some advice for trying for a baby. How I laughed and laughed, as I am yet to actually successfully become with child. However, I do have pretty much a bachelors degree in trying. So here is some of my advice for when you're trying for a baby: Take  400 micrograms of folic acid BEFORE you get preggers. Folic acid is essential in aiding a healthy pregnancy and healthy development of your baby. I use Ante natal forte from the natural dispensary , this was recommended to me by my nutritionist. I started taking mine as soon as we started trying, but you can take it for however long beforehand. Get a fertility check up with your doctor. Go with your partner and let them know you are trying, they'll give you some proper med...

Image from Mosie Baby website On the sixth month of ttc desperation I started to look for anything to make the journey shorter. I researched my ass off and found some people use at home self insemination kits. They simply use their devices to swoop up the sperm and place it where it needs to be. Simple! Plus if I'm honest, the very frequent sex was beginning to get a bit boring. The fun and spontaneity had truly gone, it was a chore at times. A self insemination kit seemed like the easy solution for getting our sanity and sex life back while also still trying for a baby. So I did what any millennial does best, I googled the shit out of it. I saw some people used turkey basters, despite having one in the kitchen draw I decided this wasn't for  me. The thought of shoving a kitchen utensil up myself just wasn't appealing. The whole self insemination thing was strange enough on it's own for me.  I then found that some people also thought the turkey baster w...

These past few weeks have been about celebrating turning 29 and getting back into the flow of working life. Something has shifted within me since my 29th birthday, and I'm not quite sure what it is. The week before my birthday I was filled with this immense feeling of happiness and gratitude for my life. I felt free, excited and happy where I am at. Children didn't effect me, going to a park didn't shift my mood. I hope it's here to stay. I keep having dreams about being pregnant lately or having a baby. The other day in my dream we had a one year old girl who was so adorable. I was carrying her around our home, which in my dream wasn't our home that we're in now, and just smiling. I asked my husband where we got her from, "Did we adopt her? Did I give birth to her?" I asked him, he was just as puzzled as I was. I took care of her, bathed her before bed time and carefully styled her black hair into ponytails. It was a surreal dream. Last night I dr...