Bluemoonbaby

 It has been five months since my daughter arrived into this world. Five months of the most unconditional love, devotion, anxiety and stress I have ever experienced. Before I had my daughter, friends warned me about postpartum anxiety and all the rest of the ups and downs. Usually quickly followed by " But that won't happen with you, you were a room leader of a baby room. You'll know exactly what you're doing." Fast forward to the 17th of November at about 1pm when I'd finally been wheeled to the ward. I was totally out of it and asked the midwife "So when do I change her? Do I just feed her when she cries?" The midwife looked puzzled and said "No. You don't want that, just follow her cues like when she sucks on her fists." DUH! I knew this!!! But after birth your mind is gone, and in my case I had a bunch of meds in me and my lower half couldn't move. Those first three months went by in a blur of mastitis, tears, laughter and hours...

  17.3.20 7dp5dt- I think we may have done it guys…I think I might be pregnant! Yesterday I experienced period cramps, a headache and slight nausea. I put it down to giving up caffeine and told my husband to not get his hopes up because I was pretty sure we were out. I had period like cramps   last time and it wasn’t good news. So I was sure that I would wake up to see the red demon dancing in my pants soon. I was having a dream where I was sitting on a wall made of rocks at night, my dreams have been vivid. I told the random dream person “You know I feel a bit sick, I think I’m going to take a test when I wake up.” My husband’s alarm for work went off, I woke up and still felt sickish. I took the clear blue test expecting the stark white line to stay. As I prepared to bin it, a very slight line appeared. What the fuck. I stared longer, turned on the lights held it up looked again. Nope, a definite faint line. I ran in woke my husband up and dragged him to the loo “Do yo...

  Now let us go forward to March 2020, Miss Rona was in the house spreading herself all over the lands. However, we weren't as afraid of her as we are now. The fertility clinics closed shortly after our transfer and there was a mad rush to fit everyone in.

Written February 2020 21.2.20 Today is my husband’s birthday! Yey! We started the day with a scan at the hospital, everything’s looking good and we start our second lot of meds. Not until the 25th though, so just the usual until then. For his birthday we stayed at…The Malmaison! My fantasy run away from infertility came partly true. Can I just say, the staff are so incredibly lovely here and are just the most attentive and friendly people. We had a drink at the bar, bantered with the bar staff then went for dinner at rodizio rico, I highly recommend. It was such a wonderful time, we just enjoyed each other’s company and forgot about the infertility shit for a bit. I then did my shot at the hotel before we headed out to the next outing I had planned. I had planned for us to go to a secret 1920’s speakeasy bar. Also…I finally had the beef bao bun!!!!! It was everything I could have wished for and more. It was incredible! I really loved this weekend, I think I’ll remember it for ye...

  Need I remind you all that this blog was in fact written pre covid times back in February 2020. See how a beef bao bun got me through the next week of treatment.

  Again, please note this diary was written back in February 2020 when covid was just a sparkle in your eye. I talk a lot about cancelling plans and not wanting to go out, little did I know that in a months time this wish would come true. Soz guys!