My Mad FET Diary: Entry Two

 Again, please note this diary was written back in February 2020 when covid was just a sparkle in your eye. I talk a lot about cancelling plans and not wanting to go out, little did I know that in a months time this wish would come true. Soz guys!

Day one:

 

On the 7^th of Feb at our chosen time slot of 8pm we did our first shot. I did my usual ritual of sitting there staring at the drugs singing “Hello darkness my old friend.” For about 10 minutes before, honestly infertility is shit would not recommend to a friend or enemy. I mourned the loss of evenings out for the next 6 weeks or so, then near the time I drew the drugs and did the deed.

Oh wait, it’s really not that bad! A tiny little prick and slight sting as the meds go in. It’s actually fine, I can cope with this. I got this! It’s all good, now just to do this for the next few weeks and look forward to the side effects.

 

Day four:

I realize now what a cocky twatty fool I was on day one. The injections aren’t that bad, it’s the impending doom that follows an hour later that is. Menopause is no joke; I have a new respect for my mother when she was an angry shouty mess during hers. I do my shot at 8pm, a stupid time chosen by us really as people will guess when I’m constantly leaving at 7pm trying to get home before 8pm. I don’t know if I’m confident enough to do them anywhere else yet.  

Anyway, by 9pm I’m a sweating hormonal mess. I go boiling hot, then extremely cold which means sleep is a no go. Don’t you dare say “Well that’s prepping you for motherhood” or I may slap someone. I tried to sleep twice, both times waking in a full-on panic attack, sweating, thirsty and famished. It’s fucking bizarre! All part of the side effects, panic attacks, sweats, anxiety, thirst and hunger are a few I am experiencing. I honestly almost had a full on break down at 2am, instead I threw on clueless admitted defeat and ate a bowl of Frosties. Weirdly though, I do have more energy too. After the injections, about an hour, I get a burst of energy and won’t stop talking and moving much to the delight of my husband. I was expecting to feel tired, but it’s different for everyone, I guess.

On day one I made a promise, scouts honour that I would NOT use Google to search anything. I was not going to read the blogs, I was not going to look up anything about FET’s I would block Google like a know it all ex-boyfriend who I was finally done with. However, at 3am (the demon hour, maybe a demon made me do this?) I found my phone in my hand looking on Google. I broke all my rules, googling FET cycles, which still confuse me. Googling side effects of buserelin only to find everyone hates it and has a horrendous time. At least I wasn’t getting some of the more severe side effects, some women were getting it way worse. However, it’s still early days. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Eventually at 4am I started to feel tired, I tried to sleep and my husband started snoring. I nudged him. I was up again, hot and sweaty knees weak arms are heavy. I then put the TV back on and fell asleep God knows when.

Love, Blue moon girl x