Bluemoonbaby

 It has been five months since my daughter arrived into this world. Five months of the most unconditional love, devotion, anxiety and stress I have ever experienced. Before I had my daughter, friends warned me about postpartum anxiety and all the rest of the ups and downs. Usually quickly followed by " But that won't happen with you, you were a room leader of a baby room. You'll know exactly what you're doing." Fast forward to the 17th of November at about 1pm when I'd finally been wheeled to the ward. I was totally out of it and asked the midwife "So when do I change her? Do I just feed her when she cries?" The midwife looked puzzled and said "No. You don't want that, just follow her cues like when she sucks on her fists." DUH! I knew this!!! But after birth your mind is gone, and in my case I had a bunch of meds in me and my lower half couldn't move. Those first three months went by in a blur of mastitis, tears, laughter and hours...

  Now let us go forward to March 2020, Miss Rona was in the house spreading herself all over the lands. However, we weren't as afraid of her as we are now. The fertility clinics closed shortly after our transfer and there was a mad rush to fit everyone in.

Written February 2020 21.2.20 Today is my husband’s birthday! Yey! We started the day with a scan at the hospital, everything’s looking good and we start our second lot of meds. Not until the 25th though, so just the usual until then. For his birthday we stayed at…The Malmaison! My fantasy run away from infertility came partly true. Can I just say, the staff are so incredibly lovely here and are just the most attentive and friendly people. We had a drink at the bar, bantered with the bar staff then went for dinner at rodizio rico, I highly recommend. It was such a wonderful time, we just enjoyed each other’s company and forgot about the infertility shit for a bit. I then did my shot at the hotel before we headed out to the next outing I had planned. I had planned for us to go to a secret 1920’s speakeasy bar. Also…I finally had the beef bao bun!!!!! It was everything I could have wished for and more. It was incredible! I really loved this weekend, I think I’ll remember it for ye...

  Need I remind you all that this blog was in fact written pre covid times back in February 2020. See how a beef bao bun got me through the next week of treatment.

  Let me transport you back to a pre covid time, a time where a stranger could cough next to you and only cause a mild discomfort instead of pure panic. A time where you could embrace your friends and family without any worries. This is my mad FET diary, that I finally feel ready to share now my darling daughter is here safely asleep next to me. Let us go on a journey through time and space, back to February 2020.

Transfer day: Transfer day was upon us, we were so excited! I had to take the horrid progesterone beforehand, the one that melts in your pants and makes you feel depressed and bloated. However, on this day I was excited! I tried to drink water as instructed in the car, and popped the Valium my doctor prescribed me half way into the journey. I needed Valium as I have a scarred cervix due to LLETZ surgery and passing anything through can be rather painful. If you find it painful too, ask for Valium. We set off an hour and fifteen minutes ahead of our transfer time. Then we got stuck in traffic, and were 30 minutes late for our appointment. Luckily my Valium kicked in and I gave no shits.  I rang the hospital relaxed and explained we were late even though we set off with more than enough time. My husband stress fully parked outside as I got upstairs, the process was rushed as the doctor went quickly through the paper work. He had surgeries to do after all and we were 30 minutes beh...

Welcome to our new, more expensive in the long run, wilder, 'cooler' journey with ICSI.  That was me trying to tell it to myself. ICSI is the same exact process as IVF, but they pick the best swimmers and inject it into the egg. I've included a link of a video in the ICSI bit above. I watched it and was a bit jarred by how they tried to flick the egg off the holding place, but I guess they know what they're doing and won't crack the eggs. "But girl." I hear you all say, "didn't you say  you had lots of eggs and your husband's sperm was fine now, so why ICSI all of a sudden?" Sit down, grab a hot cup of tea or coffee and a snack. Because I'm about to tell you some shit that's going to blow your brain! Waiting: The waiting room was beautiful, carved wood and patterned 18th century ceilings and a free coffee machine. I hadn't had much time to get ready, so my hair was soaking wet and I just about had time to draw o...