Working with Children & Infertility
I know quite a few people in the infertile community who work with children. Teachers, nursery practitioners, teaching assistants that all find it at times hard. I myself also work with children, and I think this can cause emotional stress and upset during my down days. One time in a forum I shared my struggles on someone's post, and I was shut down by them. They said they just feel thankful to see other people's children and blessed to be in their presence which is lovely. However, it is not how many of us feel especially when we are surrounded by the one thing we long for the most.
I think the most important thing we can do is support each other and not shame each other for the struggles we are going through. Luckily, I had a lot of support from the same forum from others who found it hard, and many of those are women who work with children. One person will find IVF and the thought of having IVF a breeze. One person might hate the thought of IVF and be reading up on everything. Both are fine ways to cope. Some people want to surround themselves with children, for others it can trigger anxiety and feelings of despair.
My experience of working with children was fine up until the sixth or seventh month of us trying to conceive. So you could say it was right at the beginning of our journey. It seemed like everyone at work was getting pregnant. Everyone. There was a pregnancy announcement almost every single week, no lie. I work in a large setting with lots of female staff. After the first two, I quietly took myself off to the bathroom to have a little cry. Luckily, I had a friend at work, let's call her C, who I had confided in earlier on that we were trying for a baby. I told her and she has been one of the most understanding and supportive people I know and I can't thank her enough for how kind she's been. After every announcement or possibly cutting comment like "It just happened!" she came to see if I was all right.I'd ask how the lucky ladies were and try and pick out any tips casually asking if it was planed or how long it took. I wasn't upset because I was upset with them, I just felt so sorry for myself and felt as if my body was betraying me.
We see children who come from difficult backgrounds, and you think "How the hell do you have this child you don't even care for or want and I can't have one!?" That's really tough. You just want to take them home and care for them. I do think working with children makes the adoption option a lot less daunting as you know you can build amazing bonds with children. You care for so many other people's children for most of your life giving them your all. It takes a lot out of you, because at the end of the day you go home and have no child to come back to. No little one to continuously love and reap the benefits from.
Sometimes just caring for other children is hard. I remember a time when it was the day before one of the appointments. I was sitting in a book corner with a child reading a story to them as they snuggled up to me. It hit me that there's a real possibility now that I could not have my own child to do this with. I excused myself and went to the bathroom to compose myself.
Some people say dumb shit like "Why don't you baby sit or take kids out during weekends?" But that's the same feeling you get when you're at work. I can't imagine anything worse on my down days
than going to playgroups or baby sensory on my time off. Instead on my holidays and weekends off I like to keep it stress and sadness free. I like to spend my time focussing on myself, I might not get this time soon.
Being infertile in a way makes you value your 'child free' time, as you hope that it is limited. On breaks I like to do things with my husband like take the dogs out or spend the day together. On holidays I like to check off all the things I don't get to do during term time. I like seeing friends, drinking, having a laugh and going out. Doing everything I might not be able to soon do. Hopefully, there will be plenty of time for playgroups and parks in the future so there's no need to do it now.
I think that's the key. Finding moments in the day during work to cut yourself some slack. Giving yourself a break and running to the loo if you need to. Taking the right time off to recover from a procedure. Also taking time off to recover mentally some days. Knowing that there will be a weekend or holiday coming soon where you can indulge yourself in whatever you like. Your time with your partner is important too. This is your family right now.
Stay in bed all Saturday, go on crazy nights out if that's your thing. Drink that cocktail and stay up late, sleep in the next day.
Because I'm hoping friends, soon we won't have the time to do these things.
Remember, you're doing amazing.
Love,
Blue moon girl x
I think the most important thing we can do is support each other and not shame each other for the struggles we are going through. Luckily, I had a lot of support from the same forum from others who found it hard, and many of those are women who work with children. One person will find IVF and the thought of having IVF a breeze. One person might hate the thought of IVF and be reading up on everything. Both are fine ways to cope. Some people want to surround themselves with children, for others it can trigger anxiety and feelings of despair.
My experience of working with children was fine up until the sixth or seventh month of us trying to conceive. So you could say it was right at the beginning of our journey. It seemed like everyone at work was getting pregnant. Everyone. There was a pregnancy announcement almost every single week, no lie. I work in a large setting with lots of female staff. After the first two, I quietly took myself off to the bathroom to have a little cry. Luckily, I had a friend at work, let's call her C, who I had confided in earlier on that we were trying for a baby. I told her and she has been one of the most understanding and supportive people I know and I can't thank her enough for how kind she's been. After every announcement or possibly cutting comment like "It just happened!" she came to see if I was all right.I'd ask how the lucky ladies were and try and pick out any tips casually asking if it was planed or how long it took. I wasn't upset because I was upset with them, I just felt so sorry for myself and felt as if my body was betraying me.
We see children who come from difficult backgrounds, and you think "How the hell do you have this child you don't even care for or want and I can't have one!?" That's really tough. You just want to take them home and care for them. I do think working with children makes the adoption option a lot less daunting as you know you can build amazing bonds with children. You care for so many other people's children for most of your life giving them your all. It takes a lot out of you, because at the end of the day you go home and have no child to come back to. No little one to continuously love and reap the benefits from.
Sometimes just caring for other children is hard. I remember a time when it was the day before one of the appointments. I was sitting in a book corner with a child reading a story to them as they snuggled up to me. It hit me that there's a real possibility now that I could not have my own child to do this with. I excused myself and went to the bathroom to compose myself.
Some people say dumb shit like "Why don't you baby sit or take kids out during weekends?" But that's the same feeling you get when you're at work. I can't imagine anything worse on my down days
than going to playgroups or baby sensory on my time off. Instead on my holidays and weekends off I like to keep it stress and sadness free. I like to spend my time focussing on myself, I might not get this time soon.
Being infertile in a way makes you value your 'child free' time, as you hope that it is limited. On breaks I like to do things with my husband like take the dogs out or spend the day together. On holidays I like to check off all the things I don't get to do during term time. I like seeing friends, drinking, having a laugh and going out. Doing everything I might not be able to soon do. Hopefully, there will be plenty of time for playgroups and parks in the future so there's no need to do it now.
I think that's the key. Finding moments in the day during work to cut yourself some slack. Giving yourself a break and running to the loo if you need to. Taking the right time off to recover from a procedure. Also taking time off to recover mentally some days. Knowing that there will be a weekend or holiday coming soon where you can indulge yourself in whatever you like. Your time with your partner is important too. This is your family right now.
Stay in bed all Saturday, go on crazy nights out if that's your thing. Drink that cocktail and stay up late, sleep in the next day.
Because I'm hoping friends, soon we won't have the time to do these things.
Remember, you're doing amazing.
Love,
Blue moon girl x
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