After Thoughts
It is exactly one day since my hystro and I am wide awake at 6am. I have some cramping and inflammation but the bleeding has lightened up a lot. I am relaxing today with a nice cup of tea.
I am feeling incredibly emotional today, tired and frustrated. I tried listening to a sleep meditation to help me but it didn't work. I kept having all these thoughts swim through my mind that I couldn't clear. The main ones being OK so what IS next? When will the operation be and where will it be? Can I go through all this? Do I have the strength? Am I going to be OK? The truth is, I don't know.
I can't afford to worry about work like I always do. Worrying about letting people down or people thinking I'm having too much time off. It's all part of my anxiety. This time, I can't let that effect me. I'm worrying if my inflammation and pain doesn't go in time for Monday I will miss the Christmas play we have worked so hard towards. Worrying about work is futile and is only going to add to my growing anxiety and emotional stress.
I also worry about my husband who can seem distant at times. I sometimes feel like I want it more somehow and feel annoyed I have to carry the burden of these procedures. He literally has to do his thing in a cup, twice. However, he has been far from distant with this and has ran to the shops to get me my favourite things to eat and drink. Infertility really does take it's tole on your relationship. If we can get through all this, we can get through anything.
I'm trying to drown out the voices around me telling me to try this or that. It's too much to take in at the moment. Yes, I could adopt but it's not where I'm at in my journey. Maybe I will one day. It's nice to know if I just can't go through all this adoption is there. However the longing to hold a little baby that is us and who we can see ourselves in is the thing I want most right now.
The biggy, the IVF, is something I am concerned about. Will my luck finally be in? I worry about the injections, the meds, the hormones. I react BADLY to hormones and if I'm on an emotional rollercoaster anyways how is that going to be? I feel like I'm going slightly crazy.
Anyway, there are my thoughts day one after the hystro. I'm somehow going on and getting to where I need to be.
I am feeling incredibly emotional today, tired and frustrated. I tried listening to a sleep meditation to help me but it didn't work. I kept having all these thoughts swim through my mind that I couldn't clear. The main ones being OK so what IS next? When will the operation be and where will it be? Can I go through all this? Do I have the strength? Am I going to be OK? The truth is, I don't know.
I can't afford to worry about work like I always do. Worrying about letting people down or people thinking I'm having too much time off. It's all part of my anxiety. This time, I can't let that effect me. I'm worrying if my inflammation and pain doesn't go in time for Monday I will miss the Christmas play we have worked so hard towards. Worrying about work is futile and is only going to add to my growing anxiety and emotional stress.
I also worry about my husband who can seem distant at times. I sometimes feel like I want it more somehow and feel annoyed I have to carry the burden of these procedures. He literally has to do his thing in a cup, twice. However, he has been far from distant with this and has ran to the shops to get me my favourite things to eat and drink. Infertility really does take it's tole on your relationship. If we can get through all this, we can get through anything.
I'm trying to drown out the voices around me telling me to try this or that. It's too much to take in at the moment. Yes, I could adopt but it's not where I'm at in my journey. Maybe I will one day. It's nice to know if I just can't go through all this adoption is there. However the longing to hold a little baby that is us and who we can see ourselves in is the thing I want most right now.
The biggy, the IVF, is something I am concerned about. Will my luck finally be in? I worry about the injections, the meds, the hormones. I react BADLY to hormones and if I'm on an emotional rollercoaster anyways how is that going to be? I feel like I'm going slightly crazy.
Anyway, there are my thoughts day one after the hystro. I'm somehow going on and getting to where I need to be.
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