Bluemoonbaby

It feels good to be back. I've missed connecting with you all and sharing mine and my husbands journey with you. I've decided to continue blogging. I am also writing this quite hungover. Haters gonna hate! So, not long ago now we had to go in for an embryo transfer trial. This is basically the embryo transfer done with some solution. The technician presses down on your stomach with the ultrasound, this is fun because your bladder is full, then the doctor tries to push a catheter through your cervix to place the embryo. Not everyone has to have a trial of this, but I'm special! I have a scarred cervix due to a lletz  procedure I had done a while ago. The doctor suggested we do this to just make sure since my HSG was such a massive flop. Waiting, again: A few days before the trial we had our information counselling. This is where they talk through IVF in detail with you. They show you a little flip chart of how things should go, what drugs to take, when to take them ...

Since someone has decided to share this blog with my Mother who I did not want to worry with this I'm not sure if this is a safe platform for me to write on. I will be mainly writing on Instagram which I will also make private. It's  a real shame people feel the need to do things like this. This person has taken away the one platform I had to connect and be honest and open about my feelings. This is what is most painful to me. Just because I choose to talk to others about my feelings including friends it does not mean I am going through this alone. It is very painful for me that this has happened. My safe place now feels unsafe. There will hopefully be a new blog and location coming soon, love, Blue moon girl

Next week is our information counselling, I believe this is the step right before or start of the whole IVF cycle. I don't really know what to expect,  but from what I've read they will talk us through in detail about it all and what we need to do. I am shitting it. Every time we have an appointment, something has gone wrong or we have had a set back. I am so nervous for this to be the case again. I haven't been great lately, not sleeping much and eating very little. Every time I have tried to eat a proper meal this week I have felt like throwing up. I do suffer with anxiety, and this is a really anxious time for me. I am so scared too walk in and for them to say "Sorry, we have to abandon this cycle." Or "We can do it we just need to do another op." I can't handle anymore set backs on my journey to my baby.  Also, I am still working full time with children even though I have requested to reduce my hours. There are tons of germs and illnesses fly...

Welcome to our new, more expensive in the long run, wilder, 'cooler' journey with ICSI.  That was me trying to tell it to myself. ICSI is the same exact process as IVF, but they pick the best swimmers and inject it into the egg. I've included a link of a video in the ICSI bit above. I watched it and was a bit jarred by how they tried to flick the egg off the holding place, but I guess they know what they're doing and won't crack the eggs. "But girl." I hear you all say, "didn't you say  you had lots of eggs and your husband's sperm was fine now, so why ICSI all of a sudden?" Sit down, grab a hot cup of tea or coffee and a snack. Because I'm about to tell you some shit that's going to blow your brain! Waiting: The waiting room was beautiful, carved wood and patterned 18th century ceilings and a free coffee machine. I hadn't had much time to get ready, so my hair was soaking wet and I just about had time to draw o...

I like to think in this photograph of the SATC girls Miranda is saying something to the crew like "So then the bitch told me to relax and I'd get pregnant." Samantha's like, "WTF dude that's not an OK thing to say." Carrie's laughing 'cause can't relate she's a single pringle who cba with the kids thing. Charlotte's smiling sweetly thinking "Oh honey, it's only going to get worse from here..." I'm damn Charlotte at this moment in my life, smiling at my friends and people I meet. Not wanting to tell them too much about all the hurtful and annoying comments people will be making about their journey. Or the fact you have to share such intimate details of your life that you would never share with anyone. Welcome darlings to the world of infertility, a club that no one really wants to be part of.  I'm going to try and prepare you somewhat, using real life things people have said to me. I'll also t...

My actual face So today was our official meeting with out IVF consultant, however she wasn't there so we saw another doctor. We arrived half an hour early, and our appointment was pushed back when we arrived by an hour. It's an odd feeling sitting in the waiting room with a mixture of people there, some waiting for blood tests others obviously waiting for the same thing we were. Waiting Game: I sat next to my husband, looking across the sea of anxious couples holding hands and kissing foreheads. I saw nothing but hope, strength and love. It was overwhelming at times, this process seems so negative, but look at the love. I wanted to stand up and go "Hey guys you all going through infertility too? Shall we sit in a circle and talk about our feelings?" However I think that would have been frowned upon. So I sat quietly twirling my hair, something I do when I'm nervous, and holding my husband's hand. He was so nervous too, but smiled and reassured me i...

Today I took the leap and asked for something I have been wanting to ask for a long time for myself. I have struggled dealing with the chronic fatigue that endometriosis and PCOS can bring. My body has been feeling weaker, I have been ill for longer and get ill very quickly. My body is in constant fight or flight mode, which makes healing difficult. Team that with a lack of adequate rest, and it's a recipe for disaster! Especially when you know you're going to be putting yourself through the most physically and mentally draining time of your life. I asked my boss about going part time, and she was incredibly supportive. So much so it made my cry, surprise surprise as I'm an emotional wreck atm. I have my formal meet  tomorrow to see what's next, and of course my next IVF appointment to meet my doctor on Friday.  I feel for me personally, going through work full time would not put me physically and mentally where I need to be. I get I am very lucky to be able to do thi...